We don’t need to be afraid to communicate with others. Often in my work and especially when I’m doing couples coaching and family coaching when I ask what they dislike the most I often get the response that people don’t like confrontation. I then ask why and the answers are – hurt, anger, rage, suffering, and pain. But why does it need to be like this?
Confrontation by its very definition is about anger, disagreements and failing to see the other person’s point of view. This is why I suggest that we turn what we once thought of us confrontation into healthy communications between ourselves and others. What if you looked at it from this angle: “I have something I want to say to this person and I’m going to do it from a place of kindness so that they will be able to hear me more clearly.” This in itself will diffuse the anger, rage, fear, and defensiveness and very likely throw the other person off guard just long enough for you to get the message across.
I try to do this myself as often as I can and I see the results. Even in everyday life. Someone says something rude to me in the shops or tells me I can’t do that- I ask them why. Not in an angry way (that will just fuel things) but in a curious way and that makes it clear I’m not looking for a fight. It works. Try it for yourself and let me know what happens.